Free Delivery

Things have finally settled down a little at Holmes. The fact that I didn’t work much over the holiday and we sold an ass load of fitness meant I was out delivering shit all last week and the first part of this week. Last week was nuts. I worked 30hrs last week but I’m sure I was on the road 26 of those hours delivering. Not that I was complaining much. Any time I can spend outside the shop makes for a less stressful day. And before I get made fun of for calling a bike shop stressful let me explain. This time of year we are nowhere near as busy as summer. Since The Boss Man refuses to spend any time away from the shop save for a few weeklong trips a year, it actually is hard work trying to find something to do. No cubicle to hide in. No office. Just pretend you’re busy when you’re not. That’s my stress. Now put my stress up against The Wifey’s(Distance Learning School Teacher) or Mrs Legend’s(PA Court System-what do you do again?) or The Legend’s(pimping drugs to doctor’s) or a Heart Surgeon or a Marine or a, well you get the idea. My stress is really nothing at all and I would never let you think it was anything more than a minor annoyance.

So, last Saturday my delivery travels took me on a 6hr trip through some of PA’s more beautiful countryside. From Harrisburg to State College to Bedford and back. It’s not often we deliver something that far away but it does happen on occasion. I haven’t been up to Happy Valley in 10yrs. As much as I rag on PSU I have to admit it is a pretty area of PA. Nice drive. Got minimally lost. No worries. From SC we went to Bedford via the Bud Schuster highway. Imagine the nicest highway you’ve ever seen with exactly two other vehicles on it. A mega road in the middle of nowhere paid for by YOUR tax dollars courtesy of one of the “porkiest” politicians ever. Anyway, it was a splendid drive down past Altoona into Bedford. I’ve never been out past Altoona so it was cool to see just how hilly and rolling the terrain is. I now have a better idea just how brutal the ‘Toona Stage Race must be.

Once we hit Bedford the trip sorta sucked. Who hasn’t been on the PA Turnpike a hundred times. Drag. Nevertheless, I managed to stay out of the shop until closing time. Sweet.

Knowing I just may jinx myself here but I ask you. Isn’t this just how winter should be? Who likes to shiver? We’re all grownups now. No more snow days. No more early dismissals. No more two-hour delays. Who really wants the hassle brought on by The White Shit From the Sky? I know eventually it will snow again but, man, enjoy this weather while it’s here. A gift.

Poo

I think I'm getting sick. My head is boiling. Damn. I took a couple aspirin. Feeling a little better. I thing some of the guys at work are getting over something. Hopefully nothing big. I can’t tell The Wifey or I’ll be overwhelmed with a cornucopia of motherly nursing. Not that it would be a bad thing but she doesn’t need to spend all night worried about it. She was in bed tonight by 7:41. I think getting back to work after a week and a half off is draining her.

I got out for 25 today. I was so unenthused until I actually got on my bike and got going. Then it was good. Nice day really. No sun but not bad. I kicked and squished the last bit of snow in my yard today. My property is now snow free. I hate that stuff. I see no forecast for any that white shit either. Rejoice.

I worked Tues and Wed this week and I was out delivering fitness (treadmills and ellipticals) all day both days. We’ve been selling a crazy amount of fitness in the past few weeks. We had a ridiculous year at Holmes. We sunk our major bike competitor last April which is when bikes really take off. We had a record year which was super cool. Busier than hell makes for a hectic day but when the end of the year bonus checks get handed out it makes it feel worth it. Now fitness is blowing up. Keeps us busy year round.

Flyers win. Seven seconds into OT. Gotta love that kind of finish. Speaking of finish. Why I hate Penn State. They barely beat a mediocre Florida State team in an absolutely awful display of how to lose a football game. The game was dreadful from a football standpoint. Were there any first downs in the third quarter? The game was pretty entertaining in OT mainly because neither wanted to win it. Anyway, all you hear on TV and radio is how PSU wins a classic game and what a fantastic night of football it was. I guess that’s what drives me nuts more than JoePa and the team are the knucklehead fans. I realize I live in PA and it’s exactly what the TV and radio dudes are meant to cover and not all PSU fans are dicknoses but it still is hard to digest at times. Last nights Texas v SoCal game was incredible. Either one of those teams would have mopped the floor with ’ol PSU.

L8

We made it through last nights festivities unscathed. The beer pong smack down never materialized. I was disappointed considering all the unsolicited taunting we were getting throughout the day. Apparently our gracious and wonderful(legendary even) hosts perceived us as a significant pong threat so they busted out some tard game I was less than committed to. We quickly moved to another game that we’ve played before. I forget the name but it was fun and always gets good laughs. The main strategy is the art of bullshittery. I’m not saying I’m a better bullshitter than anyone else but I have made it almost 35yrs doing something right.

Mr & Mrs Legend and the lovely Mrs K

I was happy to see Dick Clark back on the tube. A bit shaky, yes, but give him credit for not mailing it in and calling it a day. Another observation. At what point did Mariah Carey resume her career as a hippo?

Speaking of hippos. I love the Legendary Cat, Hobbes, as if he were my own. But it has been a running joke about his impressive roundness. So, with photographic evidence, you make the call. He is a cool little(?) fella.

Hobbesy, Closing in on a perfectly round ball of Cat

I went out for a ride yesterday after it rained for a bit. Just a short ride but something dawned on me that I haven’t thought of yet. I put more miles on my bikes this year than I put on my 4.0L V6 fire-breathing pick-up rig. Another first. I know to some this is no big deal but I’m in uncharted territory. I’m finding the more I ride the easier it gets to keep on riding. Right now it truly is part of my daily routine to be on a bike. And ask my lovely wife how grumpy I get when I go a day or two without a bike. So, of course, today I got out for another hour to kick off the year on the right note. I’m trying to remember but doesn’t it seem that January 1st is ALWAYS a nice day. I feel like I ride every NYD. Nice.

Pork sauerkraut taties peas. Courtesy of Erin’s parents. Yum. Fart. Courtesy of me. Yum. Now we sit in front of the ’ol 55’er watching the Skins and Eagles do battle in HD. Art.

One more day off tomorrow. And what a day it will be. College Foosball all day. Throw in a Flyers matinee at 1pm. There will most assuredly be a plethora of movies to watch. It will be a true manly man day of couch potatoness. Beauty, eh? Stop in and visit. 3023.2

"That wall looks tastey. Maybe i'll eat the wall"

BM

3003.4 road bike miles from January 1st to December 30th. Yesterday I got out for a decent ride. It was a little breezy but not too cold. I wasn’t planning on riding today due to a crap forecast but right now it doesn’t look too threatening outside and the radar seems to agree. I might go out for a little for no other reason than I have nothing else to do. My original plan was to bolt myself to the couch all day in front of the 'ol 55'er but that was interrupted by a massive shit cramp. Had to take care of that so now I’m up and looking for something to do.

Last night Erin and I met our friends Zach & Angela at Coakley's for some grub. I love hanging out with them but we don’t see them near as much since they became proud parents to little Jocelyn. So we powered down some wings and had some dinner and caught up on things. Good times.

Tonight we'll ring in the New Year with the Legendary Mr & Mrs. I’m wonder where I’ll be sleeping tonight? My own bed or face-down in the Hebe’s flower bed? Neither me or The Wifey are big drinkers so it won’t take much to get me vociferous and cantankerous. Perhaps garrulous even. I love MS Word. Anyway, should be fun. Stay tuned for more.

364

Done for another year. We had a good time last weekend giving and receiving. Visiting and hosting. Eating and, well, eating. Much fun was had. I think everyone was happy with the gifting. I was. I can’t remember ever getting so many edible gifts but that’s just fine with me. Perhaps my favorite was a couple boxes of Bottle Caps. I guess I made such a big deal on Halloween about how much I love those things and haven’t seen them since I was a kid. I think I lived on those things when I was 10. Anyway, Erin’s dad bought me two boxes of ‘em.


However, The Legend gets the most points for edible gifting. Being an almost daily visitor to the bike shop he has noticed my love of mangos and kiwis AND cashews(eaten separately). And wouldn’t you know The Legendary Mr & Mrs provide me with a fruit/nut/chocolate basket of delight. Yum.

A key to skinnyness

Little Elwood got some kitty toys to monkey around with. Erin wrapped his gift laced with catnip and he was flipping out trying to rip it open. I got him those fake but real looking furry mice toys. He loved it. All his primal kitty hunting skills were in full display. Cats are a riot.

Elwood giving his mouse the business

So Monday it was back to work for an abbreviated work week. Turns out it was more abbreviated than I thought it would be. I was expecting to work all day Monday and Tuesday until 5pm and then hit the road to Jim Thorpe for a couple nights. Turns out I miscalculated how many vacation days I had left considering xmas was Sunday. Allen, the boss man(owner), told me my services were not needed on Tuesday. Sweet! That extra day off allowed me to ride an hour before we cruised up to Thorpe and still get there hours earlier than we would have had I worked.

Tootpick dispenser

Thorpe was cool. We hit all the little antique/junk/crafts(junk)/knickknack type stores. Ate good food. Relaxed a ton. Rested up for the remaining 5 days off I have before I go back to work.

Today I’m going to nail down the remaining 29.3 miles I need to hit 3k for the year. Tomorrow looks like crap so it has to be today. I weighed myself this morning fearing the worst but again being amazed at the findings. 148 and 9.4. I can definitely feel a softening of the belly but for as much garbage that I’ve eaten the past few weeks I can’t believe I’m not fatter. I won’t argue or complain though.

For the puck fan in all of you. Can it get any more entertaining for a Flyers fan than two consecutive overtime wins on back to back nights. There was one point in last nights game where the action was end to end back and forth rushes up the ice when I commented to my hockey loving wife “how can you NOT love this?”

I took a picture of Elwood from about 30 feet away in low light while he was frolicking in the gift wrap hammering away at his mouse. Check out this picture. Don't mess with little El.

Time to ride. 43 and overcast. It is December so I’m thinking sunny would be great but this really ain’t so bad. Happy new year.

What a beautiful day. We got started this morning with some seriously good breakfast. I won’t even get into the details but trust me friends, major grease. Then we picked up a couple pizzas and dropped ‘em off at the bike shop. I felt bad that those guys were working and I wasn’t. They dug it. Sounds like they sold a bunch of stuff yesterday. We’ve been selling a shit load of bikes this month. More than usual.

This afternoon I got out for another 2hrs on my road bike. Third day in a row. I didn’t feel to bad. I dicked around Lewisberry then over around Ski Roundtop. Never too far from home but zig-zagging just in case I lost interest but it was sooo frickin nice I couldn’t justify cutting a ride short. I went with the shorts again. I think today was warmer than yesterday. Definitely the sun was out more. Hebe yelled at me for not wearing tights and I know he’s right but as I stated previously my mood is lifted tremendously when I can ride in shorts in the winter. 2952 as it stands right now. Looks like I’ll get my 3k but it won’t be ‘til later next week. Tomorrow is busy. Work Monday and Tuesday. Thorpe Wednesday and Thursday. Sheesh.

Tonight we went over to Erin’s cousins place for a little xmas eve gathering. Calvin & Amy and little Riley and Maggie. Calvin is brother of Mrs Legend. More goodies to cram down my cake hole. I’m overloading on high calorie mega-fattening grub. I love it. Tis the season, eh? Now, as I sit here and bang away, Erin and Emily are half asleep still planning on going to church at 11pm. Not me. I’ll probably bust out the PS2 when they leave.

NYE with Mr and Mrs Legend. Dinner at Zia’s then who knows what afterward. Fun and frolicking for sure. Should be a great time.

Late.

Yum

The Wifey just crafted some cookies. Cake batter w/choc chips and coconut. Heavenly. Best cookie I ate all day. Another 90 minutes today on the roadie. I rode out to Pheasant Field B&B where Erin was visiting the owners. We had our wedding ceremony there 2 1/2yrs ago. Nice place. Anyway, it was 53 in my neck of the woods so, I know it's December 23rd but I busted out the shorts and balmed up the legs. Perfect. To me it's theraputic to look down and see some bare skin on my legs. Being all bundled up all winter demoralizes my fickle mind. Tomorrow looks like more of the same weather. I believe all that's going on for me is breakfast at the in-laws and a party at the cousin-in-laws tomorrow night. All afternoon to ride, maybe. The LeMond is getting grimey. I need to give it it's winter overhaul.

Until next time. Cheers.

Crash schmash

Wow! Another 2hr ride today. Tomorrow is meant to be high 40’s. Saturday too. And I’m off both days. If I don’t be careful I’m going to get fit again. At least it gives me a reason to eat my ass off without much consequence. Hebe and I got out. Flat stuff this time. Good times. No crashes. BTW, are we sick of bickering about this alleged crash? A quick innocent innocuous little spill and all the sudden Mrs Legend says “pay me”. Phooey. Stick to drive-by hobo harassing.

The family-in-law stopped over tonight to catch some Flyers HD hockey. Flyers v Ottawa. Great game. Emily was at the game in Philly and called us right as a goal was scored. It was pretty cool to hear over the phone the mega-airhorn blast when Philly lit the lamp. I asked for an airhorn for my basement as a gift but no one has stepped up to the plate yet.

I just played PS2 for a couple hours. College Football(Bama). Now it’s 2AM and I have a serious case of playstation thumb. And I’m kinda wired. I probably should go to bed but if I’m not sleepy I might annoy The Wifey by fidgeting for an hour. That’s why you’re getting a half-assed blog entry in the middle of the night.

I feel like eating some wings. I also had an urge to power down some funnel cake earlier tonight. I better put in 3hrs on the road sled tomorrow with my appetite what it is right now. Have any of you ever noticed that there is no food that can’t be improved by adding bacon. Go ahead, try to come up with anything. “Bacon tastes good. Pork chops tastes good“. Name that movie quote. Ponder that, until next time. GOODNIGHTNOW!

Beautiful

I just knocked out all my shopping in less than 3hrs today. The Wifey. Check. D.J. Check. My sis. Check. Greg, soon to be brother-in-law. Check. My father-in-law. Check. Glen & Lupe. Yep. Everyone got gift cards except for The Wifey. I love gift cards because they are easy to purchase. No thought needed. Walk to the register. Bang, your done. And, I for one, rather enjoy receiving a gift card instead of a strange stab at something I may or may not like. Some will say it’s the thought that counts when it you open up a shaving kit or a pair of new shoelaces. I say, humbug. Gift card me.

Joining me today and making a stressful event like shopping much more enjoyable was The Wifey’s sis, Emily. She’s cool. We had a good time. As long as I’ve know Erin’s family, I never really had much chance to get to know Em. She saved me a big headache today simply by putting the idea in my head to cross the river over to the East Shore where practically every store I wanted to hit was in the same complex. Otherwise I’d have been yanking my hair out on this side driving to 19 different stores fighting traffic all the way. The last place we stopped was the Bass Pro Shop. It was my first visit to that mega-store. Holy shit that place is huge. Giant stuffed wildlife everywhere. Pretty amazing place. Anyway, it was cool to get to know Em a little. She LOVES hockey too, BTW. Are there any single dudes out there looking for a beach/surf/hockey lovin’ chick?

Now, despite my best wishes to get on my bike, I realize I need to chisel the inch of ice off our driveway before someone dies. Freaking winter. Grin and bear it.

Good day.

Sleep, eat, ride, eat, couch, eat, eat

Today I went out for a road ride with The Legend. I wasn’t expecting to ride as long or as hard as I did nor did Mike but in the end it wasn’t so bad. He was on a Surly Steamroller(1sp-fixed) while I had 20 gears at my disposal. I’ve pondered the acquisition of a fixie but just riding one around the block at Holmes makes me hesitate. It’s not an easy thing to pilot. A perpetual forward spin. As I found out today it’s not easy to ride with someone who is on a fixie. I guess if we had found some flat stuff it would have been no big deal. Where we live, however, is far from flat unless you head out towards Mechanicsburg which is approx 10miles out. Anyway, the plan was for 90minutes or so but ended up 2hrs+ for me. 38 miles. It was a good ride, really. The hardest I’ve ridden in a month. Problem was, with me geared and Mike not, and a fairly rolling parcours, we weren’t very well matched. When I was cruising downhill(53-15), Mike was pedaling his ass off. When I was spinning uphill(38-21), Mike was crushing a 40-17. Needless to say, what was a hard ride for me must have been doubly so for The Legend. If the nickname fits, eh?

One of the beauties of such a long hard ride on a Sunday is the relative guilt free existence I can experience the rest of the day. Food. Football. In no particular order. Lots of it too. I think I ate around 17 Hershey Kiss sugar cookies today. Maybe a half a pound of brownies. Pretzels. Chips. A slice of pizza. The Wifey made some shrimp scampi tonight. Ice cream. Am I missing anything?

How many of these can you cram in 1 day?

I have off tomorrow so I get to do it all again. Weather looks decent. I only need a little over 100 miles to wrap up 3k miles on my road sled. A full 1k more than last year. Between my LeMond and my TCX(‘cross/commuter) I will have ridden over 7500 miles since Jan 1st 2004. I know it’s chump change for some but it’s easily more than all I’ve ridden in the 5 or 6 years prior combined. Nice.

The Wifey wants to take a trip over to Europe one of these days. I mentioned something about a trip to catch a ‘cross race in Belgium or somewhere nearby would be cool and she’s totally into it. At this point it may have to wait until after our ‘06 season but I’m glad she’s cool about it. Where are ’cross worlds in ’07?

I’m watching football on espn(HD!) right now. The game is in Chicago. It’s 9 degrees with a -7 windchill. All that’s missing is snow. What I love is all the dudes playing in short sleeves. Great stuff.

No mas.

The Art of Cold

The weather is crap again. Or, it never really stopped being crappy from my last post. It’s only midway through December but I feel like its February. It has been down right arctic the past week. As some of you know I hate being cold down to my last fiber. I try to confront my hatred head-on though. I choose to ignore being cold. The Wifey has been trying to purchase me a winter coat for years to no avail. I have a thin little 50degree Bontrager rain jacket that I call the winter coat. Works beautifully…….for 50degrees. My fickle brain says if I wear a giant puffy fagish winter coat, I admit defeat. I’m pretty sure the temperature hasn’t been above 30 since the Sat/Sun. This hasn’t stopped me from ridding to/from work this week. I like doing this for a couple reasons. One, as I’ve stated, driving to work is admitting defeat. Second, is knowing that if I KNOW I can ride when mercury reads 10, I KNOW I can fly when it reads 25 or 30 or 35. 40 is balmy. VisitPA Ray also rode in this week as well. Even Kenny rode in yesterday. Mucho macho men.

All this leads me to something I wonder about. The human spirit. ‘Cross Nationals were held last weekend up in RI. Without me. I’ve read the reports and seen the pics & videos. Nutty weather. Friday was the worst in terms of bad weather. Temps in the low 30’s, 3-4 inches of snow followed by sleet/freezing rain/rain/heavy rain accompanied by 25-35+mph winds. Mike’s race, 35-39, is when the it all hit at once. Video from parts of that race can be seen via a link on Hebe’s blog. 150+ racers started the race. Approx 50 or so finished. Without being there, and I will be next year, I wonder what goes through an individuals mind as he races in crap like that. What makes 100 guys drop out when 50 DID finish. They’re all racing in the same conditions. Is it physical? Mental? Both? What makes a dude who finishes regularly a minute or two or three behind another but on this one day in these conditions finish when the other doesn’t. I know quite a few of the people that did the race, finish or not, were driven to an emotional depth that they never thought they could or would ever want to reach. A level of cold that only an Eskimo would have a handle on. I'm sure i'd have DNF'd that race. Or not, I guess it's almost as easy to say I wouldn't have than it is to say I would have. Without being there it's silly for me to say. One thing is for certain, my hat is off to everyone who raced at Nationals especially those who raced Friday. It’s unfortunate that the weather was what it was last weekend. It sounds as though the course would have been awesome otherwise. Regardless, some had great weekends. I was happy to see Ryan Leech(The MAC’s fastest) had a great race Saturday. 14th in the Men’s Elite. If you read his thoughts, I think he was pretty stoked as well. Nice ride. Fort James did a nice ride in the B race. So, the season is done. No more ‘cross until next fall. When will Dieter begin counting down the days?

It’s official. The Wifey and I now live in a WirelessDSL home. Pretty sweet. Faster than I ever imagined. It took a while for the Verizon techies to remotely figure out why their software was not connecting but once it did I can’t say enough how great it is. Wireless Toshiba lapper downstairs. Dell PC in the office. Smooth.

Damn, this year is rapidly coming to a close. I have a lot of days off between now and Jan 1st. I only work 6 more days this year. We’re headed back up to Jim Thorpe for a couple nights after Xmas. I like it up there. Neat little town.

Stay warm.

F!

The sky is shitting again. F-ing snow. I hope you're happy JB.

Someone is adding a year

Mrs. Legend is having a B-Day tomorrow Dec 5th. I won’t say what number this is but make sure you jump over to her freshly done up blog and wish her a great day.

Frosty The Shitman

I woke up this morning and looked outside to find a bunch of white shit all over the place. Man, nothing puts me in a rotten mood more. It always sucks when it snows but especially on a Sunday. That’s my day to ride. Well, I stewed for a while but while The Wifey was off to the grocery store (more on that later) I decided I wasn’t going to let a bunch of icy shit ruin my fun. I put the ‘cross wheelset back on my TCX and headed out into the great unknown. Immediately I realized riding in the snow is actually sorta fun. Not my ideal scenario but I rode over to the Fairview Township park approx ½ mile from my humble abode. I’m lucky when it comes to community parks. I have Fairview and Lower Allen both within 2½ miles from my front door. Fairview is cool. It would definitely make a great ‘cross venue. Lots of off camber, short steep hilly, long flat, paved bike path type stuff. I tinkered around and carved a ‘cross course throughout the park and did a few laps. Before I knew it an hour had gone by, I was smiling, and my feet were a little cold. So I went home. It was all I needed. Other than my feet being a bit chilly I was properly dressed considering it was 33 while I was out. I’ve been wearing my new Nike thermal bib tights lately. These things are nice. No worries so far in temps as low as 25. I got ‘em through Trek for $5. Yep, $5.

Having the right gear, both clothes and bike, make such a huge difference. Working at Holmes helps when it comes to having the right gear. I’d never be able to support my habit if not for the employee purchase or pro deal and the occasional blowout list. The EP is a wonderful thing. Usually figure that I pay approx half of retail on any given EP. The beauty is, given that I buy at such a great price, I can ride/use said goodie until my attention span tells me it’s time for something new. At which point I can sell and most often get back what I paid in order to pay for the new goodie. Almost as though once you make your initial investment you’re in the club.

Thursday I switched my light road bike stuff back from my TCX to the LeMond Tete. A Syntace stem, FSA carbon cranks, and Bonty Race X-Lites were the biggies. While I was at it I also installed a new Ritchey WCS carbon fork and stem on the TCX. The fork is lighter than the Alpha Q I took off and placed on my other TCX(The Wifey’s bike). I didn’t get a chance to weigh it but my main ‘cross sled in full race mode should be somewhere in the 17.5lb range. Pretty sweet. My Tete weighs 16lbs. Erin’s new bike, a Giant TCR carbon, weighs 17.5lbs. Nice ride for her. She likes to ride on the road. She put in 1000 miles this year on the spare TCX.

Back to Erin’s visit to the grocery store. First let me preface by saying this is in no way a complaint against my wonderful wife. She runs a tight ship and puts up with more than enough crap from her neurotic husband, your humble narrator. Today she nailed the grocery visit. 100% effort on her behalf. Every stupid little food neurosis I possess was satisfied. Diet Iced Tea, not the regular stuff-got it. Lite Cookies & Cream Ice cream, not the super fattening premium stuff-got it. Breyer’s Lite Raspberry Yogurt, not the full on high fat stuff-got it. Mangos, kiwis, green bananas-got it. Zero fat chips, the kind that’s supposed to make some people, not me, shit their brains out-got it. Wow, as I write this I realize two things. First, I AM neurotic. Two, all the pounds of fat I’ve shed over the past couple years from eating lowfat/no fat food probably isn’t any healthier than all the freakin’ chemicals I’ve digested from such lowfat/no fat food. Oh well, I like being skinny instead of fat so until I grow a second head or a sixth toe or something like that aspartame wins out over lard. Anyway, props to The Wifey. I love you E.

Last night we went to Herby’s for some Mexican grub. Best place in Harrisburg for mex, hands down. Not the easiest place to get to, but worth the drive. Not distance wide but it’s in a weird area of Steelton. Lots of rights and lefts. VisitPA Ray and his better half, Nancy, joined us for the chow down. Good stuff.

I finally bought a lapper. I got it from Best Buy. Toshiba. It’s a nice little rig. Now, as I type away this very instant, I’m in front of the 55’er watching some HD football, surfin, and bloggin. Is this what they call multi-tasking? Wednesday we’re getting set up with DSL so we can go wireless ‘net. I was paying $10 for dial-up. Verizon DSL is only $5 more. A no brainer. Nice. Out.

The Evil Empire

I was busying myself with assorted tasks this afternoon. I came across something from back in my days as a high school graphic artist. This amuses the hell out of me. I’m probably the only one. But it’s cool. I found this in my local sports page when I was in 11th or 12th grade. I made a negative of it. I enlarged it. Burnt it to a screen. And screened a few stickers of it. I probably did it in an afternoon, as we were largely unsupervised in the arts building. Anyway, enjoy the fruits of my labor, circa 1988 or so.

Post Turkey stress disorder

I love Thanksgiving. By far my most favorite holiday. Only because I love the heaping piles of food. Turkey, taties, sweet taties, corn, stuffing, a greenbean slurry, gravy, mmmm gravy, carrots, pickles, cakes, pies, where does it end. Then you go back for seconds.

Wow! I just knocked out my things to do list already. Before noon even. Took me two hours. The garage looks presentable again. That was the big one I wanted to get done. I also cleared the rain gutters of leaves. Cleaned the little animal’s shitbox. Moved a hunk of furniture around. Now I can kick back and watch the Flyers underachieve again. Noontime drop of the puck seems weird but who am I to argue with a 55” television that beckons me with a HD broadcast of quality hockey action?

The Legend(Hebe) has made the jump into blogdom. He does an occasional entry among others at http://midatlanticcross.com/ . Now, however, Mike has procured his own little slice of bloggerness. Check him out at http://theoriginallegend.blogspot.com/. Maybe he’ll even answer the question of Why do we gloss him “The Legend”. Amy, aka Mrs. Legend, now needs to give us a fresh counter perspective to the couple who are pretty much my closest and finest friends ever. Step up to the plate Amy. JackieBrown.blogspot.com is available for the taking.

Yesterday’s Thanksgiving feast was somewhat uneventful. As I moved in and out of my post-turkey slumber on one of the many fine recliners, I believe one of the dogs pissed all over the floor. Nothing compared to the humping event I spoke of in my prior post.

Now begins the gallop leading up the Xmas. Joy. I entertained the idea of getting out of bed at 4:30AM to hit Best Buy for one of their $379 laptop computers. I would love to get a lapper but purely for lazy reasons. I watch TV in the basement but my PC is upstairs. Being that I am a TOTAL fantasy sports geek I need to periodically check scores and whatnot. You know, to see how my team is fairing 5 minutes into a hockey, basketball, baseball, football, golf, or Nascar event. A lapper would eliminate the need to do all those stair intervals all night long. Needless to say, The Wifey is not impressed with my idea. Maybe Santa can hook me up. Late.

Stanley

We’re headed up to Thompsontown to Erin’s Grandparent’s for a Thanksgiving feast today. It’s in Junita County, one county above Perry so anyone who knows anything about redneckery knows I’m knee deep in it today. And I say that with the warmest and most heartfelt intentions because Erin’s family from this area are the nicest kindest and funniest people you’ll meet. Hell, I was raised in Adams County. My neck is just a different shade of red.

Anyway, quick story. Back when I was wooooing the future Mrs. Kessel I was invited to my first Thanksgiving feast up Juniata way. It’s a big deal up there. Probably 20 people give or take. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, several dogs. I just try to blend in. No problems. Get through the meal. Awesome foodage. What does any man do after the meal? Of course, watch football. Convene in front of the TV in the living room…..where the dogs are chillin. Dog #1 named Milo is trained to assist Erin’s 2nd cousin, Jan, who has CP. Milo is a large but gentle dude. Nice fella. Must have cost a fortune. Dog #2 named ???? is Karla’s, Erin’s aunt. Dog2 is big, female, a mutt, and, pardon my French, a sped. As we’re watching football, the dogs are following each other around the room in circles sniffing and nudging, doing general dog type stuff. Until, without warning Dog2(THE FEMALE) mounts and begins humping Milo(THE MALE). For obvious reasons there are a few seconds of bedlam and mayhem. Looks of horror on many faces in the room. Now, how would you handle this? I’m in my first visit with these fine folks but I think this scenario is funny as hell. I’m trying to restrain from even a smirk until I notice Erin’s Grandfather, Stanley, laughing his ASS off, slapping his knee, and telling anyone that will listen “That’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen!!!.” Which, pretty much, thanks to Stanley, was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Who knows what today will bring.
It snowed last night. Maybe an inch. Anyone who knows me knows I despise the white stuff. I hate it with all my being. I hate being cold. I hate snow. I hate ice. To me, nothing useful comes from snow and ice, and 30 degrees for that matter. Isn’t it just a little troubling that your body has a built-in reflex, called shivering, so you don’t DIE when get too cold? And we live our lives in this shit for 4 months a year!!!?? Thanks to Amy(The Real Legend) for calling to remind me this morning that, indeed, it did snow last night. Thanks. Enclosed you will find where my thoughts will be for the next 4 months. Happy Thanksgiving all.

PA States were this weekend. Saturday I raced The B’s. Sunday was the Unofficial Official World, National, PA State Relay Race.

Twenty of us lined up for the start on Saturday. I started in the back row, which was also the second row so it was no big deal. The start was good. Within a couple minutes there was a group of eight who rode the first lap together. I was slotted six or seventh but I knew I wasn’t going to hang with the pace being thrown down or I would have exploded catastrophically. I eased off.

I’m realizing that I’ve got a good minute, maybe two after the gun to go hard but I’m not actually a fast starter. I don’t know if it would help me to not go so hard off the line or go hard and ease into a comfortable pace until things come together, like I have been doing.
Fun Run-up

Anyway, the group of eight turned into a group of five after a few laps. Totaro, Ferrari, Mealy, Szczepanski, Alcorn, and Morgan. I was sorta in no mans land with Fouche(LSV/Kelly) a few seconds behind me. Alcorn had a melt down and Morgan popped out of the front. Fouche caught me.

Brian Fouche and me

Half of Brian and me

We caught Morgan. We had our own race in the final laps, trading pulls. In the last few turns before the finishing straight I rolled third in our group hoping to lay down a nice sprint for 5th overall but Fouche went down in the last corner and Morgan was already full gas by the time I got around Brian. So I ended up 6th. Two minutes off the leaders, which came down to a three-up sprint for the win. I missed all that excitement unfortunately. I felt good about the race. I went 53 minutes. A far cry from winning C’s last year in 26 minutes and change. ‘Cross is so much fun that prolonging the pain for another 20 minutes is actually quite enjoyable. Especially when I’m trading paint, so to speak.

MC Legend

In other news, Dieter ran away with the A crown. Solid work from the Fort/GPOA armada behind made sure no one else had a chance. Poetry on wheels. Nice ride.

Dieter.....cruising

Sunday was a different ball of wax. The relay. I had a feeling this would be a blast. I wasn’t disappointed. VisitPARay and I talked about putting a team together at least a month ago. We grabbed Taylor quick knowing that having a fast Jr such as him would be a huge advantage. Rules stipulated no more than one A and at least one Jr, C, or woman racer. Fill in the rest as you see fit. Ray is our A. I was our B. Taylor our Jr. We tried to get Hebe as our 4th which would have worked perfectly but he held out. Ray’s buddy from NY, Jeremy, ended up our 4th and he did a hell of a job. He raced and finished 11th in the B race Saturday, so there was no doubt he was fast. Nice dude too. Hebe and Leech put something together last minute after sweating about it for the past week needing a 4th. They snagged Taylor’s step mom, Sally AND Chad Totaro, who, oh by the way, is your PA State B Champ. Nice, Your A Champ, B Champ, a wicked fast Master, and a fast B Woman, all in one team. So they were in the game. I knew SSWes had put a team together via FatMarc’s blog. Szczepanski and Fort James filled out their team. They would be strong. Hebe told me Lux, Root, and Kuhn had a team. All fast dudes. I figured the EVO(Go Nate) team would be in the mix as well. I also had good vibes about our team.

Nine teams lined up. Quick math. Top three teams get paid. Our order; Ray, me, Jeremy, Taylor. Btw, Adam S wore a dress.

cross dressing 'crosser

On my first two laps I was chasing a ‘cross dresser and being chased by a ‘cross dresser. Interesting stuff. Hebe’s team got buried early, 4th or 5th until at least halfway. We rode a strong, steady race in the lead. SSWes’s team rolled second. Eventually, Dieter and Hebe started taking their turns, after Chad and Sally rode most of the early laps. Did the strategy backfire?.....allowing too much of a lead? They chipped away at us as the laps dwindled. With 3 to go, Totaro knocked it down to under 10 seconds.

a handoff

I took the handoff for my final lap and wouldn’t you know my fantasy race and my worst nightmare all at once. Hebe was hot on my trail. Fantasy because, afterall, he is The Legend. Nightmare because, he didn’t earn that nickname by being slow.

Coach Hebe going fast

He caught me half a lap in. He passed me in a good spot for me to hang onto his wheel. Through the technical stuff and back around I stayed glued to his wheel. Final lap was VisitPARay and Leech. Those two are buds and Ray is one fast mf’er but Ray’s season ended a couple months ago after winning the MASS Mtb series title. Leech’s season is in full swing. Ray rode an awesome final lap. So did Dieter. Final results will show we lost by only 15 seconds or so. But make no mistake, the Hebe, Leech, Totaro, McLain team left nothing in the tank by the end of the race to make up at least 2 minutes. Helluva job. We won 200 bucks for our efforts so we had no reason to hang our heads. Cash eases the pain.

3rd place Adam-Wes-James-Marc

2nd place Taylor-Ray-Me-Jeremy

1st place Sally-Hebe-Dieter-Chad

group hug

The moral of the story: DO NOT miss this race next year. You will love it. Period. I’m tired. I’m sore. And I feel like I’ve ignored The Wifey so it’s time to spend many hours doing what she wants to do.

Hello, Old Friend

Hebe and I went for a MTB ride this afternoon. What a blast. We went over and poached Pinchot Park. Officially you’re not allowed to ride there except for a small section but we did a loop around the whole joint with a side out-n-back trail thrown in the middle of our ride. Pinchot is perfect for Hebe and I because it’s smack in between our homes. 10 minute drive for both. Not a lot of elevation change. A few rollers. Several tough rock gardens. We ended up riding almost 1hr45min. It was a great workout for ‘cross. Lots of accelerations. I forgot how much power you need to clean rock gardens and accelerating through various technical stuff. I definitely lacked skill in picking good lines in the rocks but the power was there to muscle my way through it. Almost as an afterthought, I realized that I spent 50min in zone 5 today. That’s essentially the same as a ‘cross race. Nice. Before we started I asked Mike if he could remember the last time we rode MTB’s together. Answer. Last century. I can remember Hebe dragging me through the woods at Camp Tuckaho years and years ago when he raced MTB’s. Had to be late 90’s. I raced 24hrs Canaan ’98 & ’99, which was the last time I did any “serious” mountain stuff. But even at that point most of the training I did for that race was all road. Aaahh, memories. It’s nice to reflect back to fun times in the past but it also reminds me that I’m getting old.

My old friend, The Mountain Sled

Some of the blogs I read from ‘crossers near and far have talked recently about hopping on the scales of justice this time of year and not liking what they see. It’s inevitable that some lbs are going to find you unless you cut down on your caloric intake. A lot of guys are racing once or twice every weekend and because of shorter days just aren’t getting the time to ride during the week as much. So far I’ve managed to maintain my summer weight. This morning pre-eat-post#2 my Tanita scale read 145.4 and 8.9 bodyfat. I certainly haven’t been doing anything close to the riding I did this summer so I feel somewhat fortunate to not be fighting extra poundage. I still commute to work daily and do ‘cross workouts on the way so that’s helped, for sure.

I have such a love/hate feeling about this time of year. Autumn is my favorite season. And this year, so far, it’s been fantastic. Awesome weather. Hell, I was sweating my nuts off at Lower Allen. The bad news is after November comes December. And we all know what comes after that…..January(yuck)….February(nasty)…..March(a glimmer of hope)…..Finally April rolls around and if the winter blues hasn’t forced you to off yourself you get the biggest tease month of all. You get 70 degrees one day and 35 and snow the next.

I just ate a large bowl of sauerkraut. Mmmmmm. Love that stuff. All that was missing was sandwich. Maybe two pieces of bread and a hunk of cheese and you could call that a meal. Errrr.....uummmmm, almost.

Ketchup

I need to catch up some stuff. I’ve been lazy about posting. The Hinkle wedding was pretty fun and every bit as top shelf as I thought it would be. Everything happened at the Hotel Hershey. The ceremony was outside in some extravagant gardens behind the place. It was a little breezy and a bit chilly but for end of October it was actually a pretty nice day. Back inside for cocktail hour. I started with a Sam Adams but went to red wine for the rest of the evening. I love beer but if I stuck with it all night I’d have been in trouble. Wine tastes great and forces me to sip instead of chug. I guess old age has made me realize that hangovers suck. The reception was cool. We had a choice of fish or cow. Erin and I took divied up our plates so we had a piece of both to eat. Good stuff.

Mark and Phyllis had a DJ spin some tunes. It took a while for our crowd to get on the dance floor but once we did there was no apologies offered. I’m sure the more refined guests in attendance, someone told me at least two were actual rocket scientists, have never seen a bigger collection of well dressed retards. If only I remembered my camera. Probably best I didn’t. Late in the evening we made our way to the Milton S. Hershey Suite where Mark & Phyllis and Brian & Jenn were staying for the night. Pretty sweet little room. It had a long balcony outside that looks out over Hershey. You can see the Park below. I’ve been down there looking up and wondering how nice it would look from up top and now I had my answer.

Eric and Julie were staying over at our place. We made it home in time to see Lance on SNL. Don’t quit your day job Lance.

Fast forward to November 5th. My second ‘cross race of the season. My first MAC race this year. My first Mac B race ever. I was a little tense especially after 55 pre-reged and another 20 or so were expected day of. Ended up being 76 at the start line. Wow! Let me back up a bit. I had been practicing on the course for weeks if not months so I was pretty comfortable with that. Myself, Mike and Nate were there last week doing laps working on the layout some and I helped tape the course Friday night before I got a couple real laps in before dark. I knew it was going to FUN. I was most uptight about the start more than anything. Somehow I managed to slot in around 50th or so.

There was a short prologue lap before we started the big laps. I took a good look at the masters race and noticed on their prologue that it strung out pretty quick but the long line wasn’t moving very fast because of the few twists and turns. Hell, from about 30th on back most of the guys were just coasting, content to be on the wheel of the rider in front of him. Note to myself……I will NOT have a great starting spot, therefore, if I want to even get a sniff of the front I need to bust my balls and go hard in that prologue lap. Whistle and we’re off. Very dry dusty start but I was in the right gear. Once we hit the grass I sprinted, sat down, sprinted, sat down and sprinted again. The first lap through the sand and mulch I believe my father-in-law shouted 31st. I was good with that.

With that many racers it was real strung out for another lap and a half but I just tried to settle into a rhythm and race my race and not worry about anything else. About halfway I really settled in. The course was fast and not as congested by that point. I was picking off people here and there. One by one. A couple crashes took out one or two(or six). I got by some of the guys I really wanted to beat, which was important for my morale.with about two to go Erin’s dad yells 21st. Whoa, I’m really good with that. I was hoping for a top 25 placing. Now I was in the points. I followed Hebe’s teammate Chris for a while thinking if I just stay put I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Chris is a roadie and has some nice results in ‘cross this season so I guess I was more or less content to ride his wheel in and maybe try to sprint for 20th. Last lap he bobbled in the sand so I got ahead of him. I didn’t attack him I just set a good comfy pace thinking he’d ride my wheel a bit.
Coming back up through the pine trees, which I thought would be the hardest part of the course, I big-ringed it and looked back, hey, a little gap, cool. Again, I didn’t put in a huge effort when I saw I had a gap, just stayed steady. Suddenly I was catching another Fort guy. Colin. In the last 180 before the long straight on the back of the course, about 85% through the lap, he lost his grip and went down. I wanted to say, yo?…..you alright?…but I put in a strong effort there and held it to the line thinking I just pulled off a top twenty, probably 19th. I couldn’t have been happier.

Holy shit! I checked out the results posted on the Verge trailer. 14th!!!! I guess Erin’s dad counted a couple lappers when he yelled 21st with 2 to go. What a great race. Hebe did a hell of a job. I loved last years course. He made this years even better. I loved the high-speed barriers. It was definitely a bike handlers course. I don’t have near the race fitness a lot of these guys have but I can stay upright in some tricky stuff and that’s where I make hay, I suppose. Now I actually feel guilty not racing more than I am. Probably won’t go again until PA States in two weeks.

Taylor borrowed my other ‘cross bike which happens to be the bike Erin rode all season on the road. He was the only UCI Junior to race but he fared pretty well riding with the masters field. It was his first ‘cross race. VisitPA Ray finished 4th in the same race I did. Nice effort from him. His first ‘cross race this season. I ran into FortJames. We raced last year in the C's at Lower Allen. He was friendly enough to say hello last year and recognized my orange handlebar tape and said hello before my race this year. Nice guy. The Fort guys have a good teammate in FortJames. I also said hello to Leech(Dieter). First time I met him. He asked if I owned Holmes Cycling. I said no but I do get to boss his VisitPA.com teammate(Ray) around. All in good fun. We all know that Kenny actually runs the place.

GOODNIGHTNOW!