Negative 29

It's really quite amazing when you stop to think about just how big space is. I'm talking the stars and planets and universes and black holes kinda space. Not the empty space between my ears kinda space. It's hard to comprehend the vastness of it. You look up to the sky on a clear moonless night and you can see millions of stars which isn't even scratching the surface of just how far you can go. It amazes me that with all that stuff out there that none of it hardly ever runs into something else. I mean I'm sure it happens but I'm also sure it's super-mega-rare.

To bring it down to a smaller scale, think about just chillin' on your bike cruising along on a beautiful sunny Monday afternoon the amount of bugs you might come across on a 52 mile journey. All that wide open Perry county space would lead most people to think the chances of meeting a tiny little bug face to face would be slim but bordering on the rare. All that wide open space. A tiny little fly, or a bee, or a gnat. Little specs of jib no bigger than your pinky finger nail. All that wide open space and those stinkin' little critters found my bike riding eyeballs no less than half a dozen times on my 3hr tour. Some were straight ahead assaults leaving a self-defending split-second squint while others were the periferal sneak attacks that leave no time to react. Little bastards.

Today I made the 3rd Annual Memorial Day Ride to The Wifey's Grandparents House. There is no way I could have ordered better weather. Even the forecasted wind was made to order. South south west. Perfect. I love this ride. It's a great chance to hit some Bee-U-T-full Perry County roads. I passed on the opportunity to meet an old friend and decided to check out a different route. Iron Mountain Rd just north of Millerstown is the steepest beeyatch of a mile long dirt road climb I'd ever care to come across. Like an old friend, I know I'll visit Iron Mtn again someday, just not today. I bypassed the mtn and was happy to do so.

Of course the main attraction of the day was not spending 3 wonderful hours on my road sled but the feasting of quality grilled meats and other assorted glorious goodies while catching up with The Wifey's extended family. Yum.

Warning! Geeky riding-with-a-PowerTap subject matter follows. Interesting tidbits from the ride. 1st hour avg watts was 191, NP 220. TSS was 66 with an IF of .822. 665 calories expended. Avg speed was 17.4mph. This included the hardest climb of the day, The ridiculous Lambs Gap Rd. The lower early portion is pretty chill but if you measure the average gradient from a mile to go all the way to the top its a 10% climb. The final .40 is 13%. Poop.

Second hour avg watts was 187, NP 206. TSS was 60 with an IF of .774 and 670 calories. Avg speed was 17.3mph. Pine Hill Rd off of 850 is one of the coolest little climbs I've done. Perfect asphalt. Tree-lined. Kicks at the end. Over the top drops into a killer scenic view of the valley. Good stuff.

The final 57 minutes was a relaxing 160 avg watts, NP 178. TSS was 42.5. IF was .668 and calories was 550. Avg speed was 18.8mph.

Add it up. F U N ride. Oh yeah, and a very negative balance.

Haley is such a cool little girl. Tomorrow she hits 17 months. I love her.

Jam bong

Please bear with me as I try to get a handle on my narcissistic guilt.

Many of you know I’m an avid bicycler. I’m fortunate to be in a good situation to leave my car parked and ride to work an awful lot. I’m also fortunate to have an understanding employer and fellow co-workers who permit me to leave work at 5pm a couple days a week so that I can spend some time with TLW before she goes to bed at 7pm. So, I ride home at 5pm or I ride home at 8pm.

My ride home is never alone. There are always others with me. What amazes me is the stark contrast between the 5pm and the 8pm people I ride home with. The 5pm crowd is retardedly hyper while the 8pm crowd is super tranquilo.

Case in point; this evening I left work at 5pm. I made it through the 18th St traffic mess without incident and directed my way out of Camp Hill on my trusty fixie, the commuter of favor lately. As I approached the bridges that cross the Yellow Breeches on Spanglers Mill Rd I could feel a few of my fellow commuters bearing down on me. The bridges are sketchy at best and make a hard right up a hill upon crossing. Just as I’m approximately half-way over the bridge one of my fellow commuters accelerates and passes me just as we make the hard right up the hill. My fellow commuter chops my line and speeds off leaving me to fight for control to stay on the pavement.

My point is this; no way do you see this kind of behavior from the 8pm crowd. As much as I like being home early to hang with The Wifey and TLW, I sure could do without the 5pm clowns to share the ride home.

Did I mention the fellow commuter in the aforementioned experiences of today was driving a Subaru? Or did I leave out the fact that this Subaru driving fellow commuter had a Yak rack on his roof? With 2 bike mounts? Oops. My bad.

April ended with an 81% commuting success rate. May steams along at a robust and unblemished 8 fer 8. 100%. My aim is to keep it perfect this month.

My wonderful mother told me she looks forward to visiting this blog and keeping up with what’s new at The Kessel Ranch. I promise I will do better to update more frequently for no other reason than that. Happy Mothers Day. A day late.

Cape May April 2008

The awesome Cape May Zoo!

Snakes are fun

Gators bore TLW

Bears ain't no thang for Haley!

Giggitty Giggitty!

This guy is dumb. Real dumb.

In my humble opinion, there is nothing funnier on TV than Family Guy. Nothing. Two and a Half Men is good, but still doesn’t push the envelope of holy-shit-did-he-just-say-what-I-think-he-said quite like Family Guy.

The Quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup begins. I’d give the Flyers better than a punchers chance.

There is a new Legend. Not that the Old Legend went away. K-Mad’s Father rode the final 85 miles of the Ronde in epic conditions. A tip of the cap to you Thotis. Not sure I would have made it.

For the month of March; 73%. April; 83%. YTD; 74%.

On/off

Who says the bathtub has to be only for baths?

The Wifey has been in Philly the past couple days on a teacher testing trip so TLW's Da-Da has been the Adult In Charge. Last night I had to take Haley to the doctor's for a routine check-up sorta visit. She was a happy, singing, laughing little girl all the way up to entering the examining room at which time she had a complete meltdown. For twenty minutes she was hooting like someone just ripped her first morning baba from her hands. The nurse did a couple things. The doctor did a couple things. The nurse came back in to give her a couple shots. As soon as we crossed the threshold of the exam room she immediately stopped crying and was perfectly happy again.

I think mothers are better equiped to hear their children in distress like that. I can say without a doubt that sound has replaced the vacuum cleaner as my number one least favorite sound. By far. We survived it together though and The Wifey made it back from Philly early enough last night to put TLW to bed. All is well again.

New kicks

Week in review.

I rode a little. Ate a lot. Hebe's party was fun.

Haley is a fun little girlie.

A little sleepy

Still sleepy

Fast new shoes!

Add it up

The elbow still hurts. The obvious prognosis was correct, tennis elbow. I was told to take 600mg of IB five times daily for a month and ice as often as possible. Now, if only I was better at following doctors orders. I’m not good at wolfing down giant pills like that throughout the day nor am I great at remembering to put the icy gel-pack back in the freezer after I’m done with it. The doc did say she was disappointed I waited so long to see her. I guess I’m closer to getting a steroid shot than anyone would care for. Poo.

Little DJ had his big one-oh last weekend. He had a couple friends over and some family to celebrate. TLW was having fun playing around with the boys. She’s really becoming more and more of a little character every day. Lots of laughing and smiling and playing. Naturally, with a crap elbow, it seems like she wants her da-da to pick her up and hold her more than usual. Whenever I’m chefing at the stove or washing some dishes she’ll maneuver herself in front of me and tug on my pants and reach her arms up to me. How could I possibly refuse?

The Wifey and I briefly toyed with the idea of selling our house in order to quickly buy a new house this past week. We love where we are but also loved living in town. A house went on the market on a very desirable street that had a lot of appeal to us. It is larger than our current which was the main reason we considered it but we unfortunately couldn’t make the numbers(money!) work. Unless someone out there wants to shoot me couple grand or twenty we won’t be moving. I’d gladly give naming rights. The YOUR NAME HERE Kitchen. Or The YOUR NAME HERE Basement. Maybe I should proposition Coke or Pepsi on this one.

We planned a trip to the Charm City today but the weather didn’t cooperate. I haven’t cruised around Inner Harbor in a while and thought it’d be a fun trip. Some other time I guess.

I finished up February with a 60% commute rate. That combined with January gives me a 74% rate for the year. Not bad, but I know I can do better. Only running 60% for March.

The St. Hebe’s Day party should be a real good time. I’m looking forward to it. The finest entertainment could simply be finding a good seat and people-watch all night.

I wonder if our Kenny is a da-da yet? Go Kenny!

Goin Camping

We made a tent this morning for TLW. She loved it.

Tennis anyone?

My friggin elbow is killing me! My belief is this is a repetitive use injury. Before all you funnymen leave “snake charming” related comments I can assure you that’s not the case. We’ll leave it at that. My diagnosis is Lateral Epicondylitis. Whatever the case, I suppose I need to pay a visit to the doc’s office. Joy.

I got a nice ride in today down to The Berm for little DJ’s final b-ball game. Turned out to be a pretty decent day. I got nice and mud spattered about halfway. I took the most direct route which involves a cool 1-1.5 mile dirt road complete with a short 18-20% climb.

Everytime I shifted I’d get this sharp pain shooting through my elbow. Might this be the motivation to renew my passion for the fixie?

Speaking of DJ. There’s a milestone birthday in the little man’s future. The big one zero for him. Can you remember where you were when you were 10? Me? Hardly.

In honor McHammy’s recent dry spell, which unless I’m mistaken will now stretch into a 4th week now, I thought I had found the perfect direction for our little Kylie to take his life. As I was flippin channels tonight I came across this. What could be more perfect? Already an experienced male model, I was excited at the prospect of success for The Hamster. Until, the small-print-disclaimer-fast-talking dude at the end of the commercial mentioned the deal breaker. Eligibility requirement #8 dooms him. Maybe we could all chip in and buy Hammy some shoe lifts. How’d the weekend go KHam?

Grilled Honey Mustard Chicken sammy

Old news here but I’m always at a loss when it comes to smoking. No need to rehash all the reasons why it’s no good for you. You know it. I know it. We ALL know it. Yet, it still happens. The Wifey, TLW, and I went out Friday night to The Crapper Barrel. I was flummoxed to hear the hostess ask us if we wished to sit at a smoking or non-smoking table. Never mind that we had a 14-month in our hands. Pretentiousness aside, because you know plenty of folks have no problem killing their loved ones with second-hand smoke, I had to wonder how a restaurant that prides itself on a family-friendly atmosphere would allow smoking anywhere in it’s building.

I’ve always vocalized my feelings about smoking. We tod id. Restaurants should ban the practice. Bars/pubs/taverns should think about it as well. Our government should stay out of it. Let me make choices, I can handle it.

Wegman’s grocery recently stopped selling tobacco products at all their stores. A lot of people freaked out. Even some non-smokers had a problem with it. Who do they, the powers that be at Wegman’s, think they are to impart their morals on me, the consumer? Here’s a case where someone has made a powerful statement to the public without The Gov getting involved. You, Mr Consumer, have every right to choose smoking, however, I, Wegman’s, will no longer enable your habit. Very cool.

McDonald’s still uses trans fats for their French fries. Maybe they could take a page from Danny Wegman, AND the entire rest of the fast-food industry and get that straightened out.

Saturday I worked at the cyclery. I was hugely disappointed to learn upon arrival that it was NOT pancake breakfast Saturday. Seems that’s going down next Saturday. Although, my potential sour mood was tempered dramatically by The Legend making an appearance and subsequently working all day. After work I took my Ladies out again for some grub. This time to The Coliseum. We had to wait a bit so that Auntie Em could wait on our table. Benny showed up to entertain us. Later still, I finally got to meet KMad. She’s a cute little baby. Nice work Thotis & Jules.

Commuting has been rough so far this month. Crap weather and Erin being away a couple days has hurt my percentage thus far. The weather for the week looks favorable. I could possibly get'r up to 63% by Friday.

Jack Shit. You may or may not know him. Whatever the case, it’s how I would describe my activity level today.

Crunchy Corn Cereal

I'm such a sucker for breakfast cereals. Most people know of my love of Honeycomb. I've had love affairs with Wheaties, Total, and Honey Nut Cheerios over the years but I'm always hooked by the here today gone tomorrow existence of Quisp.

Quisp is one of those cereals that harkens me back to days of yore when your humble narrator was but a tiny little punk earning his stripes on the mean streets of East Berlin. Days spent riding my sweet 'Goose around town trying not to find trouble or vice versa. I'd fuel up every morning with this sugary substance to get me through the day.

A few years ago I was out in San Diego visiting my brother-from-another-mother, Glen, and I found a huge stash of Quisp at the local Von's. I bought several boxes and smuggled them back to the Commonwealth to share with my friends here.

Now every once in a while I find it at Giant and I buy a couple or six boxes. It's not an incredibly tastey cereal, not bad, just not great. That's not the point though. When I throw a leg over my steed this morning to ride to work, just like all those years ago, I'll have been powered by the silly little alien dude and his sugary goods.

No go

As I supsected, The Wifey did not approve of a 2-day nanny while she's gone so it's just me and TLW. We'll have a grande ol time. She's gotten over her stuffy head runny nose thing that stuck with her for weeks which means she's been sleeping much better. My biggest obstacle will be to actually get her to sleep and stay asleep. Or we can just stay up all night and party.

Haley loves her hat.

4M

This ain’t global warming but maybe in a way it should be. A little while ago I linked a pretty cool video of a physics teacher who had an excellent take on the topic. Here it is to refresh. Basically it boils down to this; if global warming turns out to be real and we do nothing, we’re screwed. If we heed the warnings and take action, well, good for us whether it’s real or not.

Which brings me to Diet Mtn Dew. Or more to the point, aspartame. Go ahead and google aspartame. You’re likely to find as many links to studies and articles claiming it will kill you slowly vs those which say it ain’t no big thang.

I happen to be an aspartame user. I’ve read the studies. One week I’ll read it’s fine. The next it’s not. Am I drinking poison or am I drinking a pleasant calorie-free beverage. Never mind that I lost a pile of fat in large part due to my refusal to drink calories anymore.

So, perhaps I should apply the global warming principle to my aspartame dilemma. Heed the warning, true or false, and presumably live out my years poison free or continue to drink laced beverages at the risk of pushing my expiration date forward a tad. What to do?

Seems easy enough. I just need to overcome my neurosis about drinking calories. Any thoughts? Maybe I could devise some sort of diminishing aspartame patch to wean me off. Or I could simply burn the extra 150-200 calories I’d need to break even by drinking naturally sweetened beverages again.

What sort of fun could I get into burning 200 extra calories a day? Let us count the ways. Just a smattering of thoughts here.

-25 minutes of competitive badminton
-1hr 40minutes of accordion playing
-1hr 28min of brushing my teeth
-3hr 15min of napping
-1hr 58min of watering the lawn
-30min of chopping wood (axe version)
-2hr 15min chopping wood (shuckin’ the corn version)

-2hr 57min of praying for forgiveness

The Proposition

I love fantasy sports. But I don't do it for money. It's purely and simply a fascination to play GM and do better than anyone else you're up against. Easy stuff. What I don't do is gamble. Never have. Seems to much like a slippery slope to me. I do, however, look forward to the Super Bowl every year when Vegas makes what very well could be a crap game, or not, by adding a sense of drama and sillyness with the prop bets.

Basically, a prop bet is any bet that has nothing to do with the actual outcome of the game. Some of this years prop bets, as usual, are pretty funny.

Predict the Coin Toss
Heads
Tails

Tom Brady’s Total Passing Yards Will Be an
Odd Number
Even Number

Which Song Will Tom Petty Sing at the End of His Halftime Show?
Free Falling 2/3
Don’t Do Me Like That 5/1
Learning to Fly 12/1
Great Wide Open 9/1
Last Dance with Mary Jane 4/1
Runnin’ Down a Dream 7/5

Who will the MVP of the Game Thank First?
Teammates 2/1
God 5/2
Family 2/1
Coach 5/1
Doesn’t Thank Anyone 6/1

Jersey Number of Player to Score First Touchdown
Over 43.5
Under 43.5

Who Will Have More?
Amani Toomer Receiving Yards +15.5
Tiger Woods 4th Round score -15.5

Who Will Have More?
Total QB sacks by Giants and Patriots
Shots on goal by Jaromir Jagr

Who Will Have More?
Longest Field Goal by Giants or Patriots +24.5
Phil Mickelson 4th Round Score (FBR Open) –24.5

Who Will Have More?
Tom Brady Interceptions
Derek Fisher (LAL) Free Throws Missed

How Long Will it Take Jordin Sparks to Sing the National Anthem?
Over 1 minute 42 seconds
Under 1 minute 42 seconds

That last one is my favorite. It has nothing to do at all with the game itself. Some poor sucker will no doubt lose his kids college fund as a result of the outcome though. As I was seeking out some of these prop bets I happened to come by this gem of an article. Go ahead and read it. And hang in there while reading it. It'll change the way you look at (or in this case listen to) our National Anthem forever. Plus, it's funny in so many ways.

So if you're not a Pats or Giants fan but you want to sit and watch this game with more than passing interest, go ahead. Why not? I'm taking the under on The National Anthem.

Next question

So, it looks like Wendy's once or twice a year takes the prize. Sounds about right to me. I spent a lot of time on the road this week delivering fitness goods with McHammy or VisitPA Ray. Good times. Both are quality delivery mates.

The Wifey is running off on some work related 2-day trip in a week or so. She's not normally excited to go on a trip like this but this time I think she's looking forward to it. Her and her co-worker, Nikki, are looking at this trip as a way to get away from needy little babies and also to get away from Haley and Molly for a couple days. In a way I'm happy to see her get away but I'm also slightly freaked out because this means I'm in charge of getting TLW taken care of. I've done one night before but never a 2 nighter. I've joked that I'm going to hire a 2-day nanny for this event.

January wrapped up with a 20 out of 23 commuting success rate. 87%. February started off crapilly. 0%.

Eli's Coming.

Snots

The Little Lady has had a pretty nasty cold the past few days but it sure hasn't dampened her mood to terribly bad. Her nose is Rudulph red but her smile is as endearing as ever. She really hams it up when the camera comes out.

Looks like another drive day. At least the weather losers couldn't screw this one up.

Three Dog Night

I saw No Country For Old Men tonight with Poo. Good movie. If anyone wants to explain it to me that would be cool too. One of those movies you have to see a second time I’m thinking. Does the answer lie in within TLJ’s dream? In the end who has the money? Dammit! I need help with this one.

The hype on Cloverfield is hooking me. I think I want to see it.

I built my PowerTap wheel for the mountain sled. I can see the future. It has more mtb rides in it.

18 days of work so far in ‘08. 16 of them started off with ride to and a ride from. 88.9%. Tuesday should have been but wasn’t due to the weather losers missing their forecast of an inch or two by……an inch or two. I drove in expecting the forecasted white shat. Never came. Losers.

Hockey is real good this season. The Flyers are competitive again. El Diablos seem to be the only team that’s giving them fits. They punked the Sid-less Pens tonight. I missed it. Wish I didn’t. I love watching them play Pitt, and win.

The Giants will ruin the perfect season. Eli’s Coming.

McHammy is a McManwhore.

The Invisible Rant

From time to time people ask my “why is it called antibike”. If you had the chance to ride along side me today as I rode to work you’d find the answer not once but twice. I’m typically fairly sympathetic towards most motorists as they merrily slave along in their day’s travels. It’s inevitable that someone will do something dumb to put me or them in harms way but most often it’s bad judgment, not a flagrant twitch of douchebaggery. Someone will see me and overreact by driving clear into the opposite lane of traffic or something along those lines.

What makes my head boil is when a driver clearly sees me yet still accelerates to pass me and then immediately makes a right turn in front of me, cutting me off in the process, as was the case this morning. That act is my number one asshole driver maneuver. There is NO WAY I can’t be visible to a person that pulls off that stunt. It is a total lack of respect for my safety, my life. A 3000lb car vs some chump on a 15lb bike. Nice odds. I chased that loser this morning, but get this, he obviously new he chopped me because he accelerated and drove off at a high rate in a very twisty residential neighborhood. Way-to-go tough guy. Congrats.

Not even a mile later some tard woman pulls off a perfect “I’m an asshole Camp Hill driver who parks on the wrong side of the road maneuver”. She does this right in front of me. She drives into my lane causing me to swerve and pass her on the opposite side of the road. Think about that for a moment. For an insant, this stupid driver is in my lane coming directly at me in her 3000lb car. I didn’t know her intentions until I was already by her. All I knew for sure was had I stayed put, I was meat. Had I swerved further to the right, I was meat.

After those two close-calls, I very seriously considered whether or not I somehow crossed over into some kind of parallel tard-driver dimension. A universe where me, your humble narrator, was invisible. I’m not joking. I’m not laughing right now. It wasn’t until I walked into Bob’s Bagel Shack and was greeted by friendly faces with my usual Everything Bagel that I knew I was visible.

So, there you have it. Antibike. My daily experiences as an afterthought on two wheels. The commuting equivalent to a pile of dog shat. The sentiment of, “yep, I see you, now get the hell outta my way or I’ll just run your ass over regardless”. None of which will make me stop either.

Little McHammy, VisitPA Ray, and myself commute regularly, if not religiously. Both McHammy and VisitPA Ray have longer commutes than I do so I’ll never out-commute them in terms of miles but there is one way I can. My goal is to out-percentage them. I know it’s still heavily skewed my way because even if it’s raining I only get rained on for 20 minutes or I only have to be frozen for 20 minutes but I’ll try to track my success rate and keep it posted here. YTD – 100%. Thursday looks tricky though. Chance of precip later in the day.

It was cool to finally visit The Coliseum Saturday night. Auntie Em took fine care of our table. Benny and Joshy were highly amusing in their own special way. I haven't been out that late in a loooong time. I'm not sure I'd go back there. It's just too much of a zoo. The food was good, but I can get better. The bowling was fun, but I can go better. Fun night though.

Speaking of McHammy, I wonder how he enjoyed his coffee beverage tonight?

Golden Arches and the like

Hard to argue with 67 degrees on the 8th of January. Although there is clearly an “r” in January I wasn’t going to deny my stubby little legs some fresh air. Getting a nice ride in anytime is therapy but especially when you can get in a ride when the weather could just as easily be 20 degrees and frozen roads. Good times.

Speaking of good times. Last Saturday we took TLW over to The PA State Farm Show. She absolutely loved it. All the farm animals and different sites and sounds were all she could handle. She has her cow/mooing down to a science and she was working a pretty good chicken cluck too. By far her most favorite part of the trip was the merry-go-round. The Wifey and Haley got on and she grinned from ear to ear for the duration. In fact she just about had a meltdown when we walked away from it. Good thing your typical one year old is easily distracted.

Sunday I rode down to meet The Wifey and TLW at The Berm to watch little DJ’s 4th grade basketball game. Pretty fun to watch. Aunt Shannon and Uncle Greg got to hang out with TLW as well. On the way home I took the opportunity to stop at Wendy’s and procure myself my first fast food meal in well over a year. Yum.

Say what you want about fast food. Some people live on it and do fine. Some get fat as hell. You healthy options at fast food seem to be much better now as well. Personally, I just avoid it all together. In my case, I love to eat. I also love to be thin. I know if I allowed myself regular fast food I’d have to work harder at being thin. Not worth it. The stuff tastes great. I wonder if it’s ever been proven in some way that fast food uses some kind of addictive sinister non-caloric additive that keeps it’s customers coming back? I haven’t heard much recently about the Big Tobacco scenario happening in the realm of fast food.

At any rate, the last time I could think of a full fledged all-in visit to a fast food was after the Charm City ‘cross race in September of ’06. Also a Wendy’s. So, the latest antibike poll will deal with your favorite fast food. Who do you love? And how often do you love it?

I wonder if I could somehow slip this one by The Wifey?

McHammy

I blew out a rear tire no more than a half mile from leaving work tonight. Calling The Wifey was not even a consideration because of putting TLW to bed at that very time. My only option, McHammy. Thanks a bunch Kyle for turning around and driving my broken down ass home. In your honor.

Happy Birthday Haley!

Today we celebrated Haley's first b-day. Thanks to all the friends and family that made her day tons of fun. Haley's pap-pap made a huge Elmo cake, which was awesome, and we picked up some Elmo cookies at the PA Bakery. Good stuff.

Factor in the gifts from a couple days ago and I think we're in good shape for a few years. Whoever came up with this Elmo thing is a genius. And rich. Thanks again to everyone who came and helped us celebrate. We couldn't have made it through this first year without all the support we get from you. Hebe gets special mention for the handwritten card. Very nice, thanks.

Now we'll see if TLW will sleep tonight with all that sugar she ate today.